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Op-Ed

You know you’re in Nagaland when…………

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By EMN Updated: Feb 16, 2015 9:08 pm
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Jonah Achumi
Dimapur

1. You go to a govt. office at 10’clock it is too early,no one has arrived yet and if you go during the afternoon at around 1 or 2 pm it is too late, everybody has gone home.
2. None of the govt.teachers send their own children to the govt.schools.
3. Everybody criticizes anything that is ‘Government .For example,Govt. schools,Govt.hospitals,Govt.teachers Govt.order,Govt. plans etc.but everybody wants Government service, Govt.contracts & Govt. supplies,Govt. subsidies for themselves and their children.4. The revenues generated from the public are given as loans and end up in the round pay game of employees often in many departments.
5. Even if our govt. is in a debt trap and huge deficit with pathetic roads,erratic power,water scarcity,unpaid salaries but crores of rupees for Hornbill Festival must go on,countless palatial mansions,luxurious imported cars fruitless,foreign trips and ten days Hornbill festival is a must.
6. Most of the worst roads are near the best houses and towards posh localities.
7. If you don’t address anyone by calling them ’Sir/Ma’m,be it an official ,clerk or a peon by firstly saying they show you a big frown on their faces and you may not get your job done.
8. The more the richer one gets everybody praises him/her and term it as a ‘Blessing’ no matter from what source is the wealth coming.
9. Christmas means loud music, drunk -joyrides, bursting crackers,partying whole night and one-night love affairs. While Christmas holidays stretch for the whole month of December to till February.
10.Knitting sweaters, playing ludos,cards and caroms are some of the favourite past-times of our government offices. If not ,playing solitaire on office desk-tops whenever alone.
11 .Government vehicles are for multi-purpose like dropping and picking school children ,shopping ,carrying you poultry and pig-feeds, garden manure, marketing and countless personal errands.
12.If you don’t tip for some work in an office either your file gathers dust or goes missing and becomes untraceable. The most common catch line for anyone who did you some favor will ask you in any office is “ Cha-sah khabole alop tu dibi”
13.Year ending season means sale of calendars ,lotteries, pens, diaries etc. for fund-raise
14.Everybody on a buying spree of a new car no matter if they have a parking space or not or not worrying they can maintain or not.
15. Giving your wedding card to everyone you know by name even if you don’t know them.
16 .Not having meat or a fish in your plate of rice means an incomplete dish especially pork is a must for any feast.
17. Whatever thing or issue it is, everything ends up in failure because of Tribalism. Now Groupism has set in cunningly in the name of tribal, traditional and political unity.
18. Any government scandal or corruption case simply becomes silent and goes away into oblivion.
19. When applying for a post-matric scholarship every students’ (including ministers ,MLAs, bureaucrats’ children) parents becomes a cultivator and their income is always lower than the amount that is the prescribed to be eligible for applying it.
20.When applying for govt. schemes and subsidies everybody’s occupation (ministers and bureaucrats wives included) is a cultivator/cultivator/agriculturist
21.Your salary can be deducted any day, any month any amount by any Tom,Dick and Harry organisations for whatever reason and purpose ,the people deducting and God knows best.
22. If your church, village, department or association doesn’t organize some study tour or exposure tours means you’re lagging behind because it is the ‘in-thing”.
23. Contractors know the paper works better than the actual ground works.
24. Any charity work or donation must be published in the newspapers.
25. Any open space outside a private boundary wall or near a main road is a garbage dumping ground.
26. Illegal immigrants and outsiders gets the most prime located shops in commercial hubs while are Naga women are made to sell their vegetables in the foot-path come rain or sun.
27. Not felicitating someone from your area or village for some achievement like passing in exams or promotion in service means the union leaders are not insincere or efficient in their duties.
28.If you do something better or sooner than someone, they will start criticizing you.
29. While the Naga world passes by as usual with divisions/clashes the outsiders and our adversaries seems to be having the last laugh.
30. Instead of every small change not available in shop and pharmacies, you will get a chewing gum or a sweet .
31 .Everyone who is tied up with some organisation from the village-level to district level has a name plate in their vehicle.
32. The organisations that shout on roof-tops seem to be silent the most when liquor flows more than any other time –the Hornbill Festival.
33.The Holiday Season is the most busiest season with endless and multiple weddings in a single day, family shopping, countless meetings, conferences ,get-togethers, non-stop visits by every people you know or have seen them since eons ago.etc. Jubilees and Centenary celebrations also happen only during the festive season.
34 .Every festival is marked by special discounts and offers but Christmas time means hiking the price multiple times because someone is going to buy it even if you don’t so ultimately you buy it to the gain of the unscrupulous traders.
35. Grumble when you get a wedding card and grumble again if you don’ get it too. Also give your wedding card to everyone you know by name and haven’t met even once.
36.Where the rich and the powerful comes late and sit in the front pews of our in churches as if it was a hereditary right for them while the poor and the lowly feels scared even to go and sit in the front.
37. When electricity goes everyone in the neighbourhood shouts in unison ‘ YEEYY….and when electricity returns everyone shouts WOWW!.
38. Owning expensive mobile phones, wearing the best dress ,buying a car becomes more of a necessity rather than able to afford it or a luxury.
39.Every NGOs, political party activists from village area to district units to wannabe somebody or anybody puts up a self-style name-plate on their vehicles. If you’re a relative of some VIPs/VVIPs then beacon lights are entitled freely by onself.
40. Where our own relative orphans and other Naga children are neglected in the orphanages but adopting other unknown people are done without any remorse

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By EMN Updated: Feb 16, 2015 9:08:22 pm