Human life is fraught with innumerable, often conflicting and competing factors. The psychological, social, and familial repercussions play substantial role in shaping one’s life. The interplay of timings: possibilities and probabilities, slow evolution, intricate life making it well-nigh impossible to fathom the bottom of it. Why are there numerous broken homes? What circumstances lead to surprised suicides? Why are you behaving like your parents, though you really do not want to? Why should you be the victim of your parents’ deeds, psychological distresses, and genetic defects? Is it your fault to be born in a poor family? How do you encounter the turning points and/or turn the corners to transform your life?You will often be mesmerised by the power of inheritance finding yourself in a predicament when you do not have a handle to steer life your way. There is no “one size fits for all” solution in life. However, if you are ignorant about yourself or unable to get your arms around it, there can be overwhelming and lethal consequences. Although the education is supposed to encompass moral and psychological aspects of life, the current education system has been mostly riveted on intellectual bearings ignoring the grave concern, the sanity of mind.
Most of the researches reveal that stress, quarrel, and neglect are the norm in polygamous, divorced, or broken family. There are few cases where children, instead of opposing their parents’ divorce, hanker for wrangling couple to get separated. Still they experience the same psychological fallouts; probably, in lesser extent. The children of the first wives are likely to be neglected by their father and stepmother in polygamous family. They display abhorrence towards their parents for creating such a mess and towards their stepmother for snatching their loved ones from them. On top of that, women in country like Nepal will be deprived from husband’s property and she will be left alone with her children where society found women culpable for their husbands committing polygamy instead of protecting them.
It is critical to have both male (father) and female (mother) as role models in children’s lives. The role of the father, if not played properly, can have more negative psychological effects – emotional insecurity, disorganised behavior, incense, feeling different from other children, hastening to achieve autonomy, preoccupied with the survival of relationships, difficulty concentrating, fantasising about parents getting back together, mourning the loss of the family of their childhood, drug dependence, and/or suicidal attempt to cover up the excruciating pain. They will not only be anguished during childhood but may suffer many years into adulthood. The children lack confidence in their own ability to form a stable and happy family.
As a parent, it becomes their duty to conceive the aftermaths of their divorce or polygamy. Parents should exculpate the children of their wacky conducts because it is actually their fault to put them in that plight. Talk up to your children; may be hold forth about the situation. The open and honest family discussion with probity and unimpeachable integrity, vis-a-vis with family members, without sulking and pointing fingers, pertinent to the reasons behind the divorce or polygamy, as well as question/answer sessions will help children connect the dots and act rationally. Parents should devote their spare time in children’s activities to assure them that they will always be there for them. They should also be in constant lookout for their children’s antisocial conducts and drug dependence. If their children are not responding to them, they can even consider psychiatric treatment, instead of blaming them for not being all eyes and ears. Last but not the least, parents should not be distrait about their children who count on them to stay strong. They should be engrossed on their needs lest they will make it more traumatising for them which they may pay for the rest of their lives. Also, as a child, you cannot expect your parents to be fair to you. Those of you who had been through this straits might have already felt lightweight with this manifesto bracing for the possible consequences of tempestuous divorce or polygamy.
According to Freud, we are simply actors in the drama of our minds, pushed by desires and pulled by conscience. Desires come from the pith of the personality which Freud named id that contains all animalistic impulses, located in the mind. The id is driven by libido, collective energy of life’s instincts and will to survive. So, id is required for one’s survival. It is frustrating for all if the desires are not fulfilled so ego comes into picture to accomplish it by any means: converting, diverting, or transforming the libido. Superego or conscience is the relentless judge that keeps balance in reality and id.
Jealousy is an emotion that alludes to negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety. Each of us must have experienced at least the mild ones. It is usually vehement in a romantic relationship. According to Rubab Hamdani in Jealousy: An Inner Battle,http://www.helium.com/items/1525298-jealousy, July 2009, there are many culprit feelings and thoughts behind jealousy – strong sense of insecurity, lack of self confidence, some childhood scar, over competitiveness, superiority/inferiority complex, which trigger and foster jealousy. As a sentient creature, when one is feeling jealous, the brain emits all sorts of negative hormones that lash out and act irrationally.
Jealousy as other behavioral traits in human, however, is an integral ingredient. There is probably no one who has not ever felt jealous during his/her life though the degree of jealousy varies. When there is dissatisfaction, there is the breeding ground for insecurity resulting in jealousy. The increasing expectations in people have made them crabby and unpropitiated. Most people are insecure and, therefore, get threatened by other’s success, mainly those closest to them. The attention that you are getting from your progress may badger the people with such schadenfreude attitude. Jealousy can be a double-edged-sword. It can not only harm others as you will try to stymie others prosperity but it can also hurt yourself psychologically.
Possessiveness entails only you and indicates your trust issues and your controlling misconduct to handle the mistrust. It stems from self-doubt and low self esteem. Both jealousy and possessiveness came from the same source – an overpowering longing for love and appreciation. Possessiveness can harbinger greater psychological disorders like bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and narcissistic personality disorder. Your nerves can get grated at times without any reason and sometimes even you will not falter to torture others out of anger. Aggressive digging of materials online can be the call-out to get to the bedrock and root it out. You need to come out of your funk and build your self-esteem and confidence that might have crushed in your early childhood.
Nobody is impeccable and perfect. Man is fallible and his learning process is based on his foibles. One has to be cagey to be surrounded with people who want you to succeed and keep the foes at bay. Let’s relate it to practical life. If your cronies and family are successful, they can be more resourceful to you. How can one expect assistance from losers who themselves will be struggling?
The writer is a doctorate in computer engineering from Case Western Reserve University, USA, and works as a Computational Scientist at the university.