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I'm going to turn 22 soon.
It's a weird age, this.
You're young, you're wild and you have so many ideas. And yet at the same time, you feel like you're late- like time is running out.
Am I too early or am I too late?
Is time on my side or has it already passed?
There was a time when I had a dream to go pro at CS:GO. I started early and I was pretty good at it. I worshipped the game so much that it was all I could think about. Maybe I had a chance, you know? But then the YouTube revolution happened and I hastily declared that I wanted to become a YouTuber just like PewDiePie whom I really look up to and enjoy watching his videos till date. I didn't know where to begin. I needed a good PC, a webcam, WiFi at home, editing and I needed to be good at entertaining my audience and the like. Also, I knew my family would never agree to such an absurd idea and so I settled on the thought that I was probably just going to be a burden to my family and that I should find something more realistic.
And soon enough, everything became irrelevant. I want to be a mangaka now. I wasn't particularly good at drawing and making up stories, but the idea of it was enchanting. I thought I could learn and study how to start a career as a mangaka but I couldn't get myself to believe in that dream. So, I chose to study what my father wanted me to do after my 12th grade– Political Science. Unlike him and most people I know, I'm not as enthusiastic about the subject and I don't think I ever will be, as much as I hate to agree that it's always going to revolve around me and my daily life- politics. Nevertheless, it doesn't change the fact that I don't want to have anything to do with it. Ironically, this very attitude of mine has also led to me having a backlog in my honours paper in 4th semester. The quote, "Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you" by Pericles makes so much sense now.
But that's not the point here.
In the near future, whatever job I land myself into, I don't want it to be the only thing people remember me for. I have a dream of building something that I call my own. Something that could separate me from the rest. Yet, I still haven't achieved anything, both academically and outside my academic life. I always have this longing feeling that I could do so much more. I find myself dreaming of a life where I can travel as much as I can, dream about being the fittest, be the best version of myself who could make a difference.
I know that everything seems possible when you start dreaming about it. You think you can have the physique of an athlete when you start running until you start running. You think you can make beautiful music until you learn that only a couple of your friends listen to it. You think you're ready to quit your jobs or your studies until it's time to quit.
What I'm trying to say here is that we're all beautiful people with a bunch of broken dreams. We walk past each other not knowing that we all want to be someone else, someone big. We shake hands with teachers who may have once dreamt of being musicians, we bump fists with the closest of friends not knowing that they too dreamt of a life different from the one they live.
"Dreams die only when you forget about them."
I don't want to believe that it's too late for me to dream.
I don't want to believe that time is running out.
There is so much life to live, so many dreams to achieve still. So let me be a little immature. Let me be stupid. Let me believe that I can still learn from the first time and that it's perfectly fine for me to suck at it.
There is so much I've yet to do. So many lives I've yet to live. And I'm going to live them all. I want to write a book someday. I want to make a cinematic film for me and my friends. I want to visit Japan. I want to go to France with my close friends. I want to visit every public aquarium there is around the world. I want to find a home away from home. I want to feel like I'm Living and not just existing.
Not all of my dreams are supposed to make it, but I don't want any of my dreams to die.
I'll write a little whenever I can. I'm going to capture as many memories as I can. I'll earn and save up enough to travel. I'll fulfil the promise I made of going fishing with my close friends and it won't be a distant dream anymore. I'll experiment and I'll explore. I'll leave home. I'll fall in love. I'll own as many cats as I want.
One day, one step at a time. I'll keep moving.
I don't want to forget my dreams because the day I do, I'd have lost a part of myself that I really wished for and I think that's the most tragic thing to ever experience- the death of your dreams before you die.
We're a bunch of beautiful people with broken dreams. But we're not just gonna sit and contemplate on it.
Keep going little dreamer!
Don't let your dreams die.
Mr. Imkongakum Imchen
B.A. 6th Semester
Dept. of Political Science
Modern College, Piphema