How Parents’ Verbal Abuse Affects Adolescents Mental Health

Adolescents whose parents verbally abuse them have poorer mental health deterring them from developing a well-balanced personality and making them vulnerable to develop mental health conditions. “…I don’t know if it is me or the environment that is being toxic. I am tired of living. I feel like living is worthless. I feel useless, hopeless, someone with no future. All my surroundings feel suffocating….” This one case represents many teenagers who face verbal abuses from their parents or primary caregivers.

Parents’ verbal abuse can range from condemning words or phrases like “Sa la! Itu bi na pare! Budhu! Pakala! Third class!  You are good for nothing! You are worthless! You are useless! What a waste of money! What will these marks bring for you? Can’t you be like that neighbour’s children? Is there nothing that you can do?  Such verbal abuse of parents in the form of disciplining their children however becomes detrimental to their well-being. “…My parents barely notice the things I do well. They only take notice of my failures and wrong doings…” says xyz. Children ultimately end up seeing themselves as “not good enough, never good enough” and therefore not worth trying at studies, inter-personal skills and other life skills.

Adolescents facing deficit of parent’s appreciations are also more likely than others to yield into risk-taking behaviours like sexual activity both physical and online, tobacco, alcohol and other substances abuses; behavioural disorders without any regard for the consequences characterised by excessive activity seeking attention, difficulty paying attention, feigning sickness, mental perpetration of violence getting ideas from the graphic violent content they watch as an escape means which can result in actual criminal behaviour.

“I self-harm. I get a sense of relief” says abc. Self-harming behaviours include slashing or scratching wrists or arms with available sharp objects, pinching until it becomes sore, punching hard objects, choking oneself; the list is not exhaustive. Such self-harm activities have become the children’s coping mechanism which has the potential to prove lethal. Made to feel worthless and hopeless, not only do they indulge in suicidal ideation but make actual suicide attempts.

What should the response be?

Focus on parents’ education through various interventions like one-on-one-counselling, family counselling, seminars, workshops to heighten the parents’ empathy level for their adolescent children who are at a junction between childhood and adulthood, and undergoing many changes become crucial to nurture adolescents into healthy adults.

At times we focus so much on the person who is suffering. As we observe World Mental Health Day, it is imperative to also address those inflicting mental distress.

Kariuganhliu Kamei Koza
Founding Managing Director
Centre for Integrated Counselling
Services Kitsubozou
Kohima, Nagaland