Jamir, who is also involved in a few NGOs operating in several countries, a core team member of Disom Foundation India and a volunteer facilitator of Initiatives of Change (IofC), shared her thoughts to Eastern Mirror on the eve of Father’s Day, which falls on June 18 this year.
[bsa_pro_ad_space id=1]Fathers are seen as providers by families and socially conditioned towards that, while failing to look at them as individuals with emotional needs, she opined.
“We don’t teach boys to talk about their emotions while we impose upon them as men and not to be vulnerable or cry. They go through pressures from friends, family and society while hiding their emotions. We fail to reach out to them and extend our hands,” she said.
Because of the condition imposed by the society on fathers, to be tough, children fail to have attachment with their fathers like they do with the mothers, she added.
Sharing her experience, Jamir recounted how she used to have a strong resentment against her father because of imposing strict rules and regulations to follow while growing up.
“However, as I got exposed to the outside world, I understood that this was the way he was taught by the society as the head of the family where they have to act in a certain manner in the family,” she said.
“After I started teaching and interacting with the students and parents, I learned to communicate with my father and thus became expressive to them about my emotions in a compassionate manner and he responded compassionately,” she added.
Jamir also shared that when she expressed her emotions to her father, including growing up with resentment, her father felt sorry for what she had to go through, all because he thought he was doing what was best.
Bridging the gap between a father and the children is required and this is where the mother has a role to play, she said, adding that using father’s name to instill fear in a child tantamount to conditioning the child against the father.
She also shared about the need for connecting emotionally by sharing feelings and resolving issues during family prayer time or fellowship.
“Also we need to create more space for men, especially for fathers and empower them for emotional needs as a father get stuck between toil and labour to provide for the family,” said the counselor.
Strengthening the bond
Psychologist Lenti Aier, who is currently working with The Devereux Foundation in New York, said that the best way to create a bond with the parents is communication, small acts of love, obedience, just being there and making time for them.
‘The first love we experience is from within a family. So, it is important to ensure that we shoulder that responsibility and provide a safe and loving space and environment for our children. But due to the busy schedule, most parents don’t have time for their children, thus we see many detachment emotionally and physically from the parents,’ she said.
Everyone, be it a toddler or an adult, has their own needs, and some of the basic essential needs are to feel loved and be secure- a feeling of belongingness and acceptance, she said, adding that life can take a different turn when these things are lacking. Giving time for your children or parent and doing things together will definitely strengthen the bond, she observed.
Looking for ways to make your father feel special?
Spending quality time can help strengthen relationship. Those staying in and around Dimapur can take their fathers to Green Park, which is offering 20% off on all activities on the occasion of Father’s Day. Apart from that, photographer Keyi Putlang is capturing memories for families at the park through free photo sessions.
The Barcode Restro is offering 15% discount on all food items. Niathu Hotels and Resorts is also offering special Father’s Day brunch from 12 pm to 3:30 pm with unlimited multi-cuisine buffet as well as live music, and dinner from 7 pm to 10:30 pm.