Shehnaz Sahin shares her journey from civil services to humanitarian work and discusses her book at Chümoukedima event.
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DIMAPUR — Shehnaz Sahin, author of the book ‘Colour My Grave Purple,’ spoke about her book and her journey from India’s civil services to international humanitarian work at the White Owl Book Talk, in conversation with Abokali Jimomi, held at Niathu Plaza, Chümoukedima, on Saturday.
She highlighted how her book emerged from personal struggle and became a medium to question societal norms, systemic discrimination, and the culture of silence surrounding human rights.
Reflecting on her return to Assam as an assistant commissioner in 2019, Sahin described the experience as a “crash,” stating that the system felt restrictive and disconnected from her ideals.
“I came back with a sense of service and community, but instead felt boxed in,” she said, questioning the structure of civil services and the pressures that come with it.
During the COVID-19 pandemic, while serving and in charge of a 350-bed quarantine facility, she recalled the challenges of frontline duty.
“You don’t own your life as a public servant. You’re expected to sacrifice everything, but you cannot pour from an empty vessel,” she noted, quoting Maya Angelou.
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Sahin said the experience pushed her to introspect, leading her to begin writing as a “grounding exercise.” Her book emerged during this period as “an act of survival.”
Despite professional success including state level recognition and national records, she chose to leave the civil services in 2022.
“It wasn’t because I was bad at my job but it was because I was denying my authentic self,” she said.
She later moved to West Asia, working in conflict zones like Syria and Lebanon, eventually becoming a regional director for an international NGO.
Comparing work cultures, she highlighted the importance of work-life balance, calling her international experience “non-abusive” and respectful of personal boundaries.
Speaking about her writing, Sahin said her stories draw from Assam’s history, exploring themes like tea, opium, and social narratives. She also challenged stereotypes about Northeast India in mainstream literature.
“Our stories are not just about insurgency and violence. There is a much broader canvas to explore,” she asserted.
The session concluded with Sahin encouraging individuals to listen to their “inner voice” and pursue authenticity, even if it means taking difficult decisions.
Sahin reflected on fiction as a powerful tool for truth-telling in a deeply polarised world and added that fiction allows writers to confront uncomfortable realities that society often ignores.
Sharing her personal experiences on identity and discrimination, she said her time in Assam forced her to confront her religious identity. “I was made aware of my Islamic identity in ways I had never experienced before both personally and professionally. These moments of prejudice break you, but they also shape your voice,” she noted, stressing that silence normalises systemic discrimination.
Referring to her story on colonial Assam, Sahin highlighted how local histories are tied to global systems. “Tea, which defines Assamese identity today, was part of a colonial design linked to opium trade and global power structures. Everything is interconnected,” she explained.
She also highlighted that “Freedom in My Blood” tells the story of a 10-year-old girl in the 1920s who longs to see Mahatma Gandhi during his visit to Guwahati, but is confined indoors after attaining puberty due to prevailing customs.
Similarly, in ‘Color My Grave Purple,’ the protagonist is denied the right to visit her father’s grave because of restrictive norms and sharing her personal regret of not touching her father’s body during his last rites due to such beliefs.
Sahin said fiction helped her reclaim what reality denied her and noted she couldn’t visit her father’s grave but through her story, the whole world will visit his grave.