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A Note of Thanks to the N.P.F. Party

By EMN Updated: Jan 31, 2017 11:48 pm

I do not know how to begin to thank the N.P.F. Party for the many ways they have manage to honour me in one simple sentence, the sentence being, “If Kahuto Chishi Sumi is ignorant of the act functioning of municipal and town council, do not confuse the people with his name.”At first glance, the sentence seems innocuous enough, but when you break it down, you realise the magnitude of the compliments it heaps on me:-

1. Readers will not be aware of the fact, but one of the biggest dreams of my life was to have my name mentioned on the front pages of one of our esteemed daily newspapers. I never bothered to consider whether I wanted my name to be mentioned in a good or bad context, it just had to be in print, on the front page, of one of the dailies. Being a man of no account and zero achievements; I knew it was just a pipe dream. But the N.P.F. Party has fulfilled my dreams beyond my wildest expectations, by having my name mentioned on the front page of our very own The Eastern Mirror; and the Post-Mortem page of The Nagaland Post (sort of the icing on the cake).

2. I can’t exactly understand the part which states, “ignorant of the act functioning of municipal and town council.” But, I guess it means that I am ignorant of the laws pertaining to the functioning of municipalities and town councils. Well, there was a time when I would have been offended at being called ignorant about anything; but happily, those days have passed. On the issue of the Municipal Property Taxes, some of my fellow members of The Naga Blog on Facebook called me both ignorant and stupid. Sadly, I cannot do anything about the fact that The Almighty Lord, in His Infinite Wisdom, created me stupid; but it has been a lifelong endeavour of mine to overcome my ignorance by listening to and reading the works of people who are considered intelligent and wise by mankind. And to be called ignorant in the context of the Municipal Elections is not a slur or an insult; it is a badge of honour. When so many lawyers, who are supposed to be experts on the law, are tying themselves into knots, trying to explain their various positions Vis a Vis the Municipal Elections, I pride myself on the fact that I know nothing and understand nothing about it. As Federal Judge, the Honourable Lance Ito told the lawyers, both prosecution and defence, in the famous O.J.Simpson murder case, I ask all those who profess to know the law to kindly, “Speak in English.”

3. The third part of the honour is the best. I was unaware that the good people of Nagaland had identified my humble name with honesty, truth and integrity; and that any piece of paper or statement bearing my name would be accepted by the good people of Nagaland as God’s Honest Truth. I am searching for the document or recorded statement of the person or organisation that used my name as a stamp of truth to confuse the good people of Nagaland. When I do discover them, I intend to prosecute them with the full Force and Majesty of the Law. I will show them no mercy. Furthermore, I intend to have my name Copyrighted; so, in future, if any person or organisation, for instance, The Nagaland Bar Association, wants to use my name, they will have to pay me a fee. Since I am a poor man and cannot pick and choose, I am willing to endorse anyone and anything. I would especially advise the butchers of Nagaland to use my name; the public always feel cheated when buying meat but if you have a sign stating, “ Get Full Weight Of Meat; Certified By KAHUTO CHISHI SUMI” the good people of Nagaland will flock to your butchery; you will have to drive them away with sticks.

4. Fourthly, I am extremely proud that I, a simple village chief, of whose existence even half of my own very small village is unaware, have managed to attract the attention and the ire of the N.P.F. Party. A party whose existence, in its various avatars, can be traced to the foundation of the state of Nagaland; and a party whose contribution to turning Nagaland into the cesspool of corruption and the nest of vipers that it is today, cannot be humanly measured. You have been the enemy of the good people of Nagaland for many years; and if the adage that, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend” holds any truth; by publicly declaring your disregard, contempt and animosity toward me you have automatically, and by default, declared me a friend of all the Good and Righteous People of Nagaland.

So, blushing with false modesty, I accept all the honours heaped upon me by the N.P.F. Party. All words fail me except these,” Was it because of the goodness of the hearts of the Legislators that they failed to notify the Property/Income Tax Clauses in 2004 and 2009, or was it because they had so much funds in those days that they were too busy to enforce a seemingly insignificant clause? Or, as is usually the case, were they just plain ignorant about the fact that such a clause even existed and that its implications were unimagined until the abovementioned Kahuto Chishi Sumi, without the aid of any lawyer and especially not the N.B.A., pointed it out and it blew up in your faces?” God save us from people who just cannot imagine a person performing any act for the benefit of the common man without assigning ulterior motives to him. And, especially, God save us from the jackasses that don’t realise they are living in The Age of Information and that a strange creature called, “GOOGLE” exists; and that if you know how to worship and appease the All-Knowing GOOGLE with the correct search terms, you can get whatever information your heart desires.

God save my Nagaland

Kahuto Chishi Sumi
G.B. Hevishe Village

By EMN Updated: Jan 31, 2017 11:48:07 pm