The weight of expectations: My life, their dream

Inotoli Chishi

DIMAPUR — Nagaland’s growing unemployment crisis, especially among educated youth fixated on government jobs, has prompted state mental health professionals to raise concerns about the toll of parental expectations and academic pressure on young minds—often at the cost of their mental well-being.

Speaking to Eastern Mirror, Imlibenla Mongro, a clinical psychologist at Christian Institute of Health Sciences and Research (CIHSR), noted that expectations themselves are not harmful, but problems arise when communication breaks down. “The determining factors lie not in the expectations but in the children’s responses and the quality of family communication that fosters mutual understanding of strengths and limitations,” she said.

She added that many parents prioritise academics over creative or physical skills, based on the societal context of their generation, where job security depended on academic credentials and government employment. This can lead to reluctance in supporting non-traditional careers.

Strain on young minds

One NEET aspirant said, “My brother told me it will be a waste to pursue being an artist, since in the coming future, AI will completely take over our works and we are unlikely to get any jobs. I don’t want to disappoint them and so I followed their path, however I can’t give my 100%.”

A UPSC aspirant who was once feted for academic excellence, said recognition can be validating but also objectifying: “Your worth gets tied to achievements rather than who you are. The fear of failure and weight of expectations can stifle freedom and self-expression.”

A psychology professor in Dimapur, who wished to remain anonymous, said parents often project unfulfilled dreams onto their children. “Moreover, educators frequently identify and nurture the inherent capabilities within their students; however, students themselves often fail to perceive their own capabilities,” the professor observed.

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For toppers, the pressure can manifest as an unhealthy obsession with grades, while average students may feel invisible. “As my grades fluctuated from average to top ranker and back to failure, people’s perception and treatment of me changed dramatically—from being ignored to receiving excessive praise and expectations, and finally, to becoming invisible again and a subject of criticism, with some even attributing my downfall to pride,” a postgraduate student shared.

He added that students face not only academic pressures but also external stressors that can lead to depression and failure.

On the other hand, a student in higher secondary school said she studies for hours but still struggles to pass, only to be met with pity or derision. Her dreams are often laughed off as “wishful thinking of a naïve teenager.”

Excess pressure

Excessive comparison, especially in close-knit communities, can deepen resentment. “My family always compares me with our neighbour who gets better marks. Everyone is different. Just because I can’t excel like they want doesn’t mean I’m not trying,” one student said.

Another teenager avoids visiting their hometown because people “tend to compete a lot on whose children are better than the others.”

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A civil services aspirant admitted that competition grows harsher when peers start clearing exams, stating, “I often overthink and compare my progress to theirs.”

The Periodic Labour Force Survey (July 2023–June 2024) put Nagaland’s unemployment rate at 7.1% for those aged 15 and above. Experts say heavy reliance on government jobs—seen as the ultimate marker of success in Naga society—fuels the crisis.

In May 2025, during the launch of a skill development initiative, Chief Minister Neiphiu Rio urged youth to look beyond limited government posts and embrace private enterprise, noting that state jobs cannot absorb the rising number of graduates. Yet social attitudes remain deep-rooted. “My worth is measured only by the ‘government employee’ tag,” said a maths enthusiast.

Mental health fallout

A mental health professional emphasised that academic pressure, fear of missing out (FOMO), loneliness and dismissal of young voices can lead to trust issues, isolation, and feelings of being exploited. Teenagers are increasingly turning to social media and AI-powered tools for validation, possibly because they find parents unsympathetic to modern challenges.

Suyimtenla Jamir, a clinical psychologist at the State Mental Health Institute, Kohima, said anxiety and stress-related issues rank among the top concerns at her facility. “Depression can lead to maladaptive coping mechanisms, including avoidance of challenges, social withdrawal, and in severe cases, self-harm behaviours (found in most cases in Nagaland),” she said.

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She cautioned that “excessive pressure can precipitate depression in adolescents, particularly during the critical developmental stages of early to late adolescence, when their minds are still maturing.”

In some cases, children tend to replicate the same behavioural patterns with their own children, perpetuating the cycle.

Rethinking success

Jamir further stated that it is essential for both parties to comprehend the family’s structural dynamics, including the parental style (such as authoritarian), resilience-building strategies, and whether they emphasise goal flexibility over rigid outcomes.

Meanwhile, Mongro noted that the issue often lies in poor communication. Parents may dismiss their children’s concerns, making them feel misunderstood and widening the emotional gap between them.

She suggested that both parents and children consider career counselling and aptitude assessments to identify a career path that aligns with the child’s abilities and interests. She emphasised that even small changes in daily communication can make a difference.

“The concept of winning in life is a deeply personal. However, the world’s emphasis on power, fame, and material success can overshadow the individualistic concept of winning, leading to a narrow focus that ignores emotional and mental well-being,” Swuli Assumi, an IAS aspirant said.

Ame Chishi, an entrepreneur who pursued her own dream, agreed, saying, “Although I encountered challenges, I remained committed to the path I had chosen.

Financial wealth isn’t everything—I am rich in gratitude and happiness, and I am content.”

(Inotoli Chishi is a student of Economics at Tetso College and currently interning with Eastern Mirror).